Archive for January, 2007
by Bob Parks
Those of you who’ve read my work over the years know I don’t trust what we loosely refer to as the "mainstream media." As we’re talking about human beings, we’re talking about people who have opinions on various issues. The problem is that those in that media have the power to shape an issue to suit an agenda based on those personal opinions. The discipline should be that personal opinions have no place in traditional news reporting.
Then again, reality is another thing.
A few years ago, USA Today came out with a piece that posed an interesting hypothetical: When is it okay to lie? Surely it would be okay to lie to avoid hurting people’s feelings. Tell your woman her outfit looks okay when you’d rather the outfit revealed more. Tell your kid the scribble that’s supposed to be your portrait looks great, and so on. It seemed like a genuine thought piece.
However, being the overly suspicious person I am, the events of the following weeks threw up some red flags.
The Clinton—Lewinsky scandal broke and people then said they understood why Bill lied under oath. He was sparing his wife the embarrassment. He was sparing the nation the embarrassment. The only fallacy with the reasoning was that Bill was supposedly thinking of someone other than himself.
The 2007 edition by Thomas Lindaman
Well, it’s that time of year again when people decide to make major life changes because it’s the beginning of a new year. Some people resolve to lose weight. Others resolve to stop smoking. Still others resolve to stop looking for naked photos of Rue McClanahan on the Internet. (I know that last one’s gonna be tough for me to do.)
For those of you who are new to CommonConservative.com, forgot since last year, or were fortunate enough to avoid last year’s edition, I’m not very good at making or keeping New Year’s resolutions. Anything more complicated that "I resolve to wake up every morning" tends to be a little out of my pay grade.
So, instead of writing resolutions for myself, I decided to write resolutions for other people. I don’t do it because I think my life is perfect; I do it so the people listed don’t have to bother with it, thus giving them more time to focus on more important things, like balancing the federal budget or taking time to see "Borat." In other words, I do it because I care, dagnabbit!
Anyway, here are my 2007 New Year’s resolutions for other people.
George W. Bush, I resolve that you stop letting situations dictate who you are and what you believe. We elected you in 2000 and 2004 because you were confident in what you were doing. Now, you’re lapsing into a milquetoast like your father was…well, pretty much since 1988. You took us to war against international terrorism and we can’t win it with a half-hearted leader. Put on the chaps, boots, and Stetson and lead for the love of Pete!
Nancy Pelosi, I resolve that you strive to work with conservatives of both parties to get something done. Democrats ran in 2006 on a platform of change, so now it’s time to come across with some change for the better, not just change to be changing stuff. If you keep the American people in mind, the first 100 minutes of your tenure as Speaker of the House won’t be the same 100 minutes that people wonder why they put Democrats in power in the first place.
Harry Reid, I resolve that you start sucking up to Joe Lieberman, big time. Don’t believe the media hype that Democrats control the Senate because, in truth, you don’t. You are sitting on a 49-49-2 split. Sure, Bernie Sanders will most likely play ball with you guys, but Joe Lieberman is a different story altogether. Let’s not forget it was Democrats who pushed him away and insulted him when they thought Ned Lamont could win. If you haven’t noticed, Harry, Lamont didn’t attend freshman orientation, and Joe’s still there. After the crap your side pulled on Joe, you have some serious making up to do.
To the leaders of Iran, Syria, and North Korea, I resolve that you keep doing what you’re doing and create a bigger mess of the world than you already have. Then, when the world gets fed up with you acting like jerks, we’ll have all the justification we need to turn your countries into parking lots.
To the United Nations, I resolve that you come to grips with the harsh reality that you aren’t really needed anymore, not that you were to begin with. Your goal of allowing countries an opportunity to address problems with other countries without going to war was a cute idea on paper, but it’s failed worse than "Gigli: The Musical." Time to pack it in, guys, and let America take care of the big problems. Heck, you already do, so it wouldn’t be that big of an adjustment.
To the media hounding Britney Spears for not wearing panties in public, I resolve that you back off the future Mrs. Thomas Lindaman. I’ll talk to her about the panties issue. You run along and cover something really important, like what Jennifer Aniston’s pet groomer’s ex-boyfriend has been doing. And speaking of the newly-single Ms. Spears…
Britney Spears, I resolve that you marry me. Oh, this won’t be for anything personal, like finally seeing you naked. That's a fringe benefit. It will be to ensure your kids and you have a stable relationship in your lives. I understand what it’s like to be a star at such a young age. Yes, I played Wesley on "Mr. Belvedere." I don’t talk about it much because it’s part of my past. (Well, that, and the fact it’s a total lie…) Regardless, you need someone who will be your confidante, friend, father to your children, lover, and partner. I humbly volunteer for that duty. Besides, after Kevin Federline, you can only go up.
Barak Obama, I resolve that you do something. Seriously. You’re in the running to be the Democrats’ candidate for President in 2008, provided Hillary Clinton lets you run. Either way, if you want to be taken seriously as a contender for the Presidency in 2008 or beyond, you gotta start working on that resume of yours.
John Kerry, I resolve that you get a sense of humor. That "botched joke" of yours right before the 2006 election wasn’t funny, either as you presented it or as it was on your script. Good comedians know when to dump bad material, and what you had was one of the worst jokes I’ve ever heard, and I’ve watched "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno"!
To the Republican members of the "Gang of 14," I resolve that you start begging for your political lives before the court of conservative opinion. That little deal you struck with the Democrats was monumentally stupid on so many levels, but let’s start with the fact that the Democrats wouldn’t have abided by the terms of the agreement as you had them. They would invent reasons to filibuster any judicial candidates who were to the right of Lenin (and I’m not talking John here, kids). If you want to keep your jobs, you’d better stop undermining the President.
Bill Clinton, I resolve that you put on some pants. It will be tough, but I’m sure you can do it if you really try. Whenever you start getting those special thoughts that give you a tingly feeling in your no-no parts, just picture Janet Reno naked.
Hillary Clinton, I resolve that you drop the whole "it takes a village to raise a child" crap. It doesn’t and has never taken a village to raise a child; it takes parents. And if what I’ve heard about who really raised Chelsea is true, you are the last person in the world to preach to us about how to raise a child.
Keith Olbermann, I resolve that you get those rabies shots you’ve so desperately needed. I’ll even chip in a couple of bucks.
Rosie O’Donnell, I resolve that you hire someone to smack you upside the head when you say something stupid for ratings. Granted, this will mean someone is smacking you just about every day, but it’s the only way you’ll learn.
To the contributors to CommonConservative.com, I resolve that you continue to make the site better with your commentary. I’ve been fortunate to have some great writers on the site, both as staff writers and as guest writers. It’s because of you that the site is what it is.
And finally, to the readers and fans of CommonConservative.com, I resolve that you never be afraid to tell me what you would like us to do differently. The purpose of the site is to give you a voice, and we would be jerks if we didn’t listen to you when you had ideas. I’m always open to new ideas, so shoot me an email if you have one. Just one thing, though. I’m sticking around, so you can stop emailing me to quit the site. By the way, Mom, I loved the Christmas dinner.
Thomas Lindaman is a Staff Writer for the New Media Alliance, Inc. and NewsBull.com. The New Media Alliance is a non-profit (501c3) national coalition of writers, journalists and grass-roots media outlets. He is also Publisher of CommonConservative.com.
by Thomas E. Brewton
The ever-changing (aka flip-flopping) Senator Kerry gives us his latest straight scoop on Iraq.
In a December 24, 2006, Washington Post article, Senator Kerry shares his insights after literally having been on all sides of the question in the past. His latest thoughts originate in the visit that he and Senator Christopher Dodd made recently to Iraq.
The Senator's conclusion is: The only hope for stability lies in pushing Iraqis to forge a sustainable political agreement on federalism, distributing oil revenues and neutralizing sectarian militias. And that will happen only if we set a deadline to redeploy our troops.
We'll look at that in a few paragraphs down, but first let's indulge in the fun of a few pot-shots at an easy target to hit.
by Jim Kouri, CPP
In another twist in an already questionable criminal case, DNA testing in the infamous Duke lacrosse rape case found no genetic material from any of the accused males in the woman's body or on her clothing, but analysts found DNA from several unknown male on the accuser's body.
This finding directly contradicts reports that she did not engage in sex with anyone prior to or following her encounter with the three Duke students.
Prosecutors reportedly ordered the DNA testing after the state crime lab failed to find a conclusive match between the 27-year-old woman and any member of the Duke lacrosse team.
The most recent lab findings contradict earlier reports in which the accuser denied engaging in any sexual activity in the days before the alleged assault. The woman, who was hired as a stripper at a Duke lacrosse party in March, claims she was gang-raped by three team members in a bathroom.
The horror faced by three Duke University students is disturbingly common — too common. But in the name of political correctness, few dare to question the validity of the rape charges for fear of becoming targeted by feminists and left-wing groups.
by Erik Rush
Are you familiar with the Channel Channel? Depending on the type of television service you have it varies, with the digital variety being the most state-of-the-art. It's the channel that shows the schedule of television shows being offered on the other channels to which you subscribe (and to quite a few you probably don't, or wouldn't with a gun to your head).
Anyway, I came inside after shoveling lots of snow recently (contrary to what some of the troglodytes who flame me think, I don't have "people" for that) and the Channel Channel was on. Now, on a lot of systems the Channel Channel functions as follows: Only the bottom half (or three-fifths) of the screen is occupied by (scrolling or viewer-scrollable) programming. The top half (or two-fifths) is reserved for distracting advertisements, short pop-culture features and celebrity news. Very highbrow…
"Methane Man" was a minute or so clip of a guy dressed as a superhero (tights, mask and so forth) who performed – in front of an audience and cameras – various "stunts" using his own flatulence.
On the Channel Channel. In the middle of the day. For my kids to see. As if the periodic mini-deprogramming sessions in which my wife and I have to engage as a result of our children attending public school isn't enough of a pain in the rear.
by Jim Kouri, CPP
On New Year's Day, Newsweek columnist and Democrat Party water-carrier (am I being redundant?) Eleanor Clift appearing on the Fox News Channel gave her opinion of whom was better equipped to run as a Democrat for President in 2008.
Ms. Clift, who looked as if she was decomposing as she spoke, said that Senator Hillary Clinton would be a more viable candidate than Senator Barack Obama because of her "military experience" which she gained while serving on the Senate Armed Services Committee.
Hillary shoots her mouth off in front of TV cameras and that's considered military experience? Perhaps it is when compared with her husband's military record — a Draft Dodger, who protested the war under a Viet Cong flag. In the wacky world of the mainstream news media, if you're a Republican and served in the National Guard during a war, you're a shirker or worse; if you're a Democrat and attend a Memorial Day parade, you have military experience. Or if you served four months in Vietnam and get shot in the butt with a handful of uncooked rice, you're a war hero.
by Daniel Clark
"The words in the Constitution are 'cruel and unusual.' Those are the words. It doesn't talk about the death penalty. It's embodying certain values." So says Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer, explaining why he thinks capital punishment might be unconstitutional.
That these remarks have not become a national scandal is a testament to the success that Breyer, his liberal colleagues and their predecessors have had in deconstructing the Constitution. Anymore, a direct contradiction of what that document actually says is simply taken to be an alternative school of constitutional theory.
In fact, the Constitution references the death penalty no fewer than three times: twice in the Fifth Amendment, and once in the Fourteenth. Each of these amendments specifically allows for the option of capital punishment when it says that no person shall be deprived of life without due process of law. Since the Eighth Amendment, which forbids "cruel and unusual punishments," was ratified concurrently with the Fifth, it cannot reasonably be taken to prohibit the deprivation of life when due process has been given.
by Nancy Salvato
The word that most aptly describes the momentum behind education reform going into 2007 is disenfranchised. This can be applied to students in grades P all the way to 16. It can also be applied to adults who want to go back to school, who never completed school, or who are learning English as a second language. It can be used to describe those who find themselves on the wrong side of the law. This word can be mixed and matched with pretty much any type of person that is deserving of more opportunity; and who isn’t? To be sure, the word disenfranchised will inevitably be used to call for more education funding, to fight for more equitable education and to appeal for universal education. Disenfranchised is the sort of descriptor that can be mixed and matched by any education reformer for any type of reform because it appeals to the conscience; it begs the decent person to look out for those amongst us who might need a little action on their behalf. "It is the right thing to do." But be forewarned; those whose heartstrings are being pushed and pulled in every direction must try and be discerning about the various offerings and work through the maze of rhetoric so that the disenfranchised are truly helped by our efforts. Like it or not, sometimes the solutions can become part of the problem.
by Christopher Adamo
Pundits across the political spectrum are scratching their heads over Time Magazine’s bizarre choice of "person of the year." Word is out that Time will essentially tell the American people that it is every one of them who qualifies for the "honor." While their decision undoubtedly results in part from the increasing sophistry and juvenile thinking that is reaching epidemic proportions among the old media, another factor is at play. Insofar as it reflects a major upheaval in the political landscape, it cannot be ignored.
Without a doubt, the individual who most clearly qualified for the title was Nancy Pelosi, first woman Speaker of the House of Representatives, and inarguable figurehead of the "Democrat Revolution of 2006." Throughout the latter part of 2006, Pelosi’s shameless grandstanding, coupled with the media adulation heaped on her, made her the clear choice as the individual who most influenced the news during the past year.
by Sher Zieve
Something very odd is occurring with the alleged Duke Lacrosse team rape/sexual offense/kidnapping ad nauseam case. I’m not referring to North Carolina Durham County District Attorney Mike Nifong’s lack of any substantive evidence against the three young men he has charged with these heinous deeds. Although the case against the Duke University students was originally begun in March 2006, I’m not even referring to Nifong’s not having the palpable good sense to actually interview the accuser—until December. And then, it was one of the prosecutor’s investigators who interviewed the accuser—exotic dancer Crystal Gail Mangum; not Nifong. What I am referring to is how this prosecutor has used his office and this case to secure and keep his job.
The office of Durham County’s district attorney is an elected one. In November, Nifong was running for election to his first full term as Durham’s D.A. Nifong also represents a large and influential African-American community. Crystal Gail Mangum is black and the accused Duke Lacrosse team players are white. Even after it was revealed that Nifong no longer had a chance of proving the rape case against the young men, due to the accuser’s statement that she "could no longer testify with certainty that it [rape] occurred" and Nifong’s conscious withholding of exculpatory DNA evidence, Nifong’s African-American constituents have urged the district attorney to proceed with a trial. Despite the lack of any DNA evidence linking the Duke Lacrosse team players to any crime, let alone rape or sexual offense, President of North Carolina’s NAACP Rev. William J. Barber II insists that Nifong try the case in court. Barber commented: "Don’t let it be decided by hearsay. Don’t let it be decided by community speculation. Take it to the courts!" So—ever concerned about his increasingly tenuous position within the community—Nifong is now pursuing a case of ‘sexual offense and kidnapping’ against the Duke students. By the way, DNA evidence is not considered to be "hearsay".